as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
