I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
