is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
