You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
