well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
