Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
