She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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