Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
