I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
