wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
