Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
