how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
