I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
