im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
