i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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