i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
