It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
