that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
this hospital has no fireball
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
