Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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