I feel like I'm in dance class right now
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
