So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
