like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
