it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
