those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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