the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
