just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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