Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
