My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
