so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
this will be a night to untag.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
