she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
