I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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