Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
