You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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