Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
