Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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