we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
