I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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