I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
