I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
