remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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