I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
