Need sex. Gaining weight.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
