I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
