I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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