I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
