On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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