just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
