i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
