I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
