from now on my penis is your penis
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
