WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
